Posts tagged Rant
When this topic arises, many comic fans go directly to the 90′s debacle that was Spider-man’s Clone Wars. True, it was offensive to fans and lasted waaaaaaay too long. It introduced lame characters that no one cared about and insisted upon itself with keeping them around like unwanted guests. You would be close, but you would be wrong. Some people may think of when Bane broke Batman’s back and Azreal took over for Batman and became a multi-pocketed, shoulder pad wearing lunatic. They wouldn’t be wrong in it being horrible, but it’s far from the worst. Even the most recent terrible Spider-man arc, where Mephisto un-makes Peter’s marriage to Mary Jane, makes him move back in with Aunt May, and takes away his organic web shooters. Infuriating? Absolutely, but IMO, not the worst.
No, the worst is the most recent Punisher Marvel Universe tale. I specify “Marvel Universe” because there’s technically two Punishers. The Marvel Universe Punisher, and the MAX Punisher. The MAX Punisher is far superior because they keep the Punisher real. The Punisher was created as one of the first “real” superheroes. You technically could become the Punisher. A lot of people would argue and say that you could become Batman, and I will argue to the death that you couldn’t. You’d have just as much luck getting a Green Lantern ring or being bombarded by Gamma Rays and getting anything but sick as hell. Batman isn’t only a man, but the wealthiest, smartest, and craftiest man in comics. But this isn’t about Batman. It’s about the MU Punisher. AKA Frankencastle.
Holy God this arc is terrible. If you aren’t following the Marvel Universe currently, and I quite frankly wouldn’t blame you, they are currently finishing up their year long “Dark Reign” crossover event, where Norman Osborne is in control and allowing villians to take over for superheroes and the heroes themselves are in hiding for the most part. Well, the Punisher, never one to back down, is pissed about this. So Norman has Daken aka Wolverine’s son aka Dark Wolverine kill the Punisher. And he DOES. Cuts him up into little pieces. And thus starts Frankencastle, the current ongoing arc in Punisher.
It’s terrible for so many reasons. I never thought I’d see Frank team up with Man-Thing and Morbius. I mean, Man-Thing is literally the best thing about this book. Seriously. Mostly because he doesn’t take part in any of the hack dialog that’s being spit out by all of the characters. One of Frank’s most cringe worthy lines is “Alps is cold. Perfect weather for the dish I’m about to serve him”. The God damn Punisher says this. The writing is horrendous. I have a tough time following the story because it’s so hard to read. I mean, I’ve read worse as far as a nonsensical story goes. The Dark Knight Strikes Back comes to mind. But there’s so much ridiculousness that I can’t believe I’m reading a Punisher comic. Like, the main gist of the story is that Morbius rebuilds Frank so he can fight alongside the “League of Monsters” against Japan(?!) and a new character called Hellsgaard, who has a vendetta against monsters and wants this “bloodstone” that Morbius has. Hellsgaard is a terrible character, and I see him dying horribly at the end of this arc. They tried giving him a cool backstory involving his town becoming werewolves and him killing them all and turning into a Van Hellsing-esque character. But I just don’t care quite frankly. And the League of Monsters is an incredibly silly organization. When I saw Frankencastle chatting with a werewolf and a fucking mummy, I audibly groaned.
Marvel loves doing this to the Punisher though. This isn’t the first ridiculous arc he’s had. Quite a few years ago, they had a story where Frank died, and was brought back as a demon hunter with supernatural guns. Swear to God.
Also, a couple years ago when Captain America was gunned down, he put on a mashup costume of his own and Captain America’s. It was the worst costume change since Superman became blue electricity.
Now I can’t say everything about it is bad. The art is pretty cool, and it’s incredibly violent, like you would expect from a Punisher/Horror comic. Also, like I said previously, Man-Thing is very cool in this. I wish I was reading a Man-Thing comic instead of a wretched Punisher comic. I think I’m more annoyed that this is canon. I have no idea how they’re going to make him normal again. Either a brainswap, time travel, or something less realistic. So, I don’t mean to bash Marvel or the Punisher, but this arc isn’t over yet, and it’s undoubtedly the worst arc in comics I’ve ever read.